My heart is full...🤍
Today I did something I've never done before...I had a tea party with all my parts: past, present and future.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day. I had food I wanted to make just for fun to celebrate the day but I was so exhausted from the week that I didn't have any energy to make anything, plus it's supposed to be frigid next week and that means I will probably not be able to start my car for the majority of the week which means that I will lose income that may keep me afloat. So I've been trying not to worry about what I see coming and I didn't want it to ruin my weekend so as I lay in bed before falling asleep and pondering the state of affairs I find myself in, I thought about the food I wanted to make. When I first thought about celebrating Valentine's Day after Christmas I thought that I'd like to invite my local friend to come over who's company I would have loved but I've been realizing that there is no reciprocation in the relationship and in the dire situation I find myself in I don't have the energy to keep reaching out as it feels very much like a one way relationship. Realizing this I decided that I would make myself a special meal, and then last night I was laying there thinking about what the day is supposed to mean and be about and I thought who better to love than myself? And don't I deserve it more than ever after all the hell I've been through and still am going through? Then and there I decided that I would make a meal for all my parts for they are all worthy of love.
I spent all day working on the food and my feet are sore. I had so much fun trying new recipes with the end goal in mind that I lost track of time; but finally, I could set the table and gather the dolls to represent different ages of my parts. I think the most fun part of all was decorating and setting the table and filling the plates....✨
Here is the spread. After everything was set I outened the overhead light and ate by the light of the cozy lights...🧚
In the background is a collage of the future I made a bit ago. I just took it out of the first picture so you could see the actual table decorations...
The first two dolls...
A doll plate full of food...
My future self and all she personifies...
My plate...
Dessert...
This child's tea set was the perfect match for the theme...🦄
When I was about half way done eating my food I realized I was the only person in the party that didn't have a pretty dress on so I dug my box of pretty clothes out of the back corner of the closet and put on one of my dresses and a necklace I've had for several years but had not yet worn...💎
And then it was time for a photo shoot to capture the memories...
The dolls...
My teddy bear represents the baby and toddler stage that had already endured lots of sexual abuse at such a young age and deserves so much love...🧸
Next is the 4-8 year old part of me who also endured horrible sexual abuse and trauma...now she can be free to dance as I've been able to process quite a lot from this age of my life...it is also the part of me that I seem to be able to connect with the easiest...
This doll represents my teenage self. This is a part of me that is hard to connect with and she stands aloof and has very little to say...and fades into the background, preferring to not be seen...
This is my future self. That no- nonsense look along with the horse at her side. A duo that no one wants to mess with. She is tall and strong, compassionate and doesn't hesitate to get her hands dirty if there's a need. 🤍She has come to my rescue in some of my sessions before I parted ways with my trauma professional. I think I have written about her before so I will see if I can link those stories below...
And then of course there was also my present self but I am uncomfortable showing my face so for now you only get to see my pretty outfit above...💃
Now for the food...this is lentil shepherd's pie...
And some stuffed mushrooms...
A warm winter salad sounded very good...🥗
I tried my hand at making heart shaped whoppie pies...I didn't want to buy food coloring so I madey own from red beets...
And rose truffles sounded amazing! The recipe calls for freeze-dried raspberries but I chose to use strawberries instead...
And last of all I tried a peppermint white Russian cocktail...I forgot to add the peppermint until afterwards and then I accidentally added too much so tomorrow or whenever I get hungry for more I will dilute it with milk as plain cream tastes a bit weird...
It was an interesting experience I must say. I love it when I lose track of time because I'm enjoying myself. It was also a very beautiful and special moment for me to sit down to eat and feel the wholeness of all my parts being present and fully enjoying the moment. It also filled a bit of the desire of hosting friends because I was hosting my parts personified by my dolls. 👩❤️👩
It really has been a beautiful day!🤍
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