A bit ago I was thinking about perfectionism and the role it has played in my life. I remember different people throughout my life telling me that maybe I'm trying to hard. I find it hard at times when people I work with don't seem to care about their work or they don't seem to care about how their actions affect others. I don't want to be upset with them but I just don't get the mindset.
For me, I think perfectionism started when I was still quite young and I saw a plaque in someone's bathroom about leaving things better than you found them. I grasped the meaning behind it that this is how you are kind and show care for the person coming behind you. From that time on, I could not consciencesly leave things as they were but I had to leave things better than I found them for the most part or guilt would hound me. It started with changing the toilet paper roll if I emptied it.
It soon spread to other areas of my life, especially in how I talked to others. If I had the smallest inkling that I might have hurt or offended others in some way, I would have to apologize or guilt would torture me. Another area was in how I approached things I did or life in general. I would try so hard to do the right thing. I'd try so hard to figure out what God wanted me to do. When someone would ask if perhaps I'm trying too hard, I was confused and couldn't understand what it might be like to not try so hard to always do the right thing and to do it as perfectly as I can.
I've been in the process of trying to get a better job and as things progressed my anxiety was horrible and after a bit I realized that I'm worried about not doing my job good enough. I will be completing jobs on my own as an independent contractor and so I am responsible for making sure it all gets done right. It was overwhelming. When I realized that perfection is the reason I wondered what it would be like to just go and not focus on doing it perfectly but on enjoying it as well as having fun figuring it out as I go along because after all, this is new for me and I'm not required to do it perfectly. So the other day I went and had fun with greeting cards. I thoroughly enjoyed myself even though I realized after I was done that I had messed up on some of the things. I submitted my stuff as required and haven't heard anything about it yet but I will deal with that if it happens. I now understand the process and it will definitely be easier next time. And my goal is now to just go and enjoy myself doing what I enjoy and not stress over being perfect...
So why do I think that perfectionism could be a curse? It has the potential to make a person so worried and anxious about doing everything right and trying to leave things better for the next person that we have a hard time actually enjoying life. And it can make one very miserable...
For me, I think the root cause is that it became a way of trying to earn the love I deserved but didn't get as a child, whereas before I read that plaque I was very apathetic and unmotivated from being in survival mode. It was almost like I flipped 180° in some aspects of my life. I tried to do the absolute best I could. Also another aspect was that it became a way of trying to avoid more pain in an already pain filled life. Trying to do the right thing to stay on the good side of authority figures.
It's no wonder I'm so exhausted now. Now I'm trying to focus more on enjoying what I do instead of whether I'm doing it good enough or fast enough, for example, at my job I don't get paid very much over the minimum wage and yet my manager told me that for improvement he wants me to work more hours after I had already told him what I can do and it makes me feel taken advantage of so for the most part I've slowed my pace some to more closely match what I'm getting paid because I keep exhausting myself trying to do my absolute best and I'm so tired of being exhausted all the time. (Even though there's times I forget and then I feel horrible because I pushed myself to hard.)
So in summary, I think striving to do my best is good but there's plenty of bad and harmful aspects of perfectionism. Especially when it is coupled with people pleasing because then you neglect your own health, needs, and healing just trying to keep everyone happy around you. And in the process you lose/forget who you really are. I'm only now figuring out who I really am, now that I've set boundaries for myself and wear my energy goes. There are too many people that will drain you if you give them half a chance and for whatever reason the memory comes to mind of my mom who would now and then say that if we give the devil our little finger before we know it he'll have our whole hand. And that's exactly how manipulative and greedy people work. They will make you feel guilty for setting boundaries to protect yourself. They will try to confuse you to get what they want and more without reciprocating or helping you if you were to ask them for help and support. Have you had people like that in your life? Have you battled perfectionism? How have you dealt with these things? I would love to hear about it in the comments...
And so I think it's time for me to kick perfectionism and it's cronies to the curb and go enjoy life, because life is good and there is so much beauty in every day just waiting to be experienced and felt and delighted in. Yes, there's pain and grief and darkness. But that's not my focus. I'm finally in a better place than I've ever been and I'm so grateful and find so much beauty in every day I could never share it all as it probably wouldn't make sense to another person... so go enjoy life. Go enjoy the experience. And all the beauty surrounding you... 🤍
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