Well, sounds like I missed the boat in getting help from the housing program before funds ran out so sounds like I'm going to be stuck in the shelter for quite a while yet...like seriously, this is so discouraging...and I just want to ask why?
Why?
Why?
Why did my body have to burn out?
Why does it take so long to heal?
Why do I have to keep ending up with abusive people in my life?
Why do my dreams have to keep mocking me?
Staring me in the face?
And taunting me, with how are you to achieve us now?
Look at you. You can't even work enough to support yourself.
I think I'm bitter.
I think I'm angry.
I think I feel defeated.
I think I feel hopeless.
I've tried so hard.
Only to have everything keep falling flat.
I feel really frustrated.
Hope. What is it?
It's so elusive.
I keep trying to hold on to it.
To make room for it in my heart.
To nurture it. Fan it into a flame to give some light and warmth to my life.
But it keeps getting blown out. Away. Out of my grasp. Slipping through my fingers.
Till I want to throw in the towel.
To give up.
To settle for less than I was made for.
I wasnt made to live in a shelter.
I wasn't made to have no privacy.
I wasnt made to just try to survive all the drama around me every day.
I wasn't made to have no safe space.
I wasn't made to have life put on hold month after month.
I wasn't made to not be able to rest and heal.
I was made for more than this.
Much more.
Will it ever come?
I'm told it will.
Someday.
The fire of hope flickers.
It blows out.
Only red coals glow.
Will they live?
Only time will tell...
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