Listen To Your Truth

Note: if you are reading this on a laptop it may be a bit messed up because I don't have access to edit the computer version of the blog post currently...

Yesterday I was working with a coworker who I hadn't had the chance to work with much and he was asking me a lot of questions about how I ended up where I am today. I told him how I ended up leaving the horse and buggy Mennonite culture I grew up in as well as religion. And then he posed the question: is seeing things you couldn't agree with the only reason you left church?

While there was a lot I hadn't told him about, especially abuse and abusive tendencies by leaders, I found it interesting how he posed the question because it implied to me that he thought that was rather an unimportant reason to leave community and family. He then confirmed that implication by stating that one still needs family and friends for comfort and support instead of being alone like I am, but it made me smile because I do have family and friends and support, just not in the way he might have considered for I haven't told any of my coworkers about my relationship with the Sasquatch.

As we were talking I could tell he felt like I might have made some rash decisions that he felt were stupid because he said that there's many things in life that don't make sense and we don't understand and he thought that I could've stayed in a church where I didn't agree with things but at least I might have had some close friends who might have listened even if they might not have agreed. But as he said these things and I could feel his resistance to my choices I still knew my truth which is that I don't regret any choices I made and it has helped me get to where I am today because in reality I would rather be alone than to keep myself in an environment where the things that are harmful or I don't agree with would grate on my being like a grater does to cheese. My life is much more peaceful and beautiful than it's ever been when I was in atmospheres where I didn't feel aligned.

This morning I had a dream that in a way rattled me but I came away feeling that it was my subconscious reinforcing this belief. I dreamed I was living in a trailer in the woods. A family came to me for help. I invited them in but the husband didn't accept the help I wanted to give and I instantly saw his subtly disguised manipulation that most people never see or notice. So they stayed outside and he was talking to her and on the other side of the trailer in the early spring sunshine a log split in half had been propped up on the back of a pickup truck and 3 children were using it as a slide.

I went back to where the husband was talking to the wife outside my door and gently closed the door because I began to realize how deadly this could become and I didn't want to be killed by association because I knew that this kind of subtle manipulation often hides much more sinister intentions. As much as it hurt, I realized that the best thing I can do is to protect myself and I was going to move furniture in front of the door which I didn't get to in my dream.

While I was still in the dream I remembered a post or two I had seen on social media. I think the author of one post had been Native American and the second post has been by a woman who had a lawyer of another nationality who was helping her with her divorce. The main point of the two posts I saw was about how Americans are so gullible and how we often think that because someone who once tried to kill us is nice that they have changed when that is not the case. They are just as deadly as they ever were. This can go for humans in relationships to relationships between countries and everywhere in between.

I understand what was meant for I have seen that in myself. There were many times that, if I could've been able to sweep the harm done to me under the rug, I would have been back to the same people and cultures and communities in a heartbeat. And often people do.

Because the hell we lived in was more comfortable than the heaven we wanted because it was unfamiliar.

As soon as I woke up from my dream I knew in my bones that it was my subconscious reinforcing that I had made the right choices and that most people don't understand because there's just so much more to the story and the journey than can ever be shared in a simple conversation.

And so, listen to what is right for you. Listen to you body and your gut feelings. It will guide you to know what is best for you. People will disagree. People may shame you. People may drop you out of their life like a hot potato because they can't handle the truth or aren't willing to expand their views and understanding. I used to be (and sometimes still am) swayed about very much by people's opinions and what they think I should or shouldn't do. But in the last several months I've been learning a lot on a very deep level to stand in my truth and what is right for me.

Nobody knows your journey like you do. Your life is like an iceberg of which other people only see the top that sticks out of the water. And if you know about icebergs, you may remember that the biggest part of the iceberg is underwater where it can't be seen. So with that in mind, listen to your truth for only you can really know what's best for you...but... there's also nothing wrong with talking to others and discussing options etc. We as humans are made for relationship and connection with each other. The most important thing is to come back to what is really your truth and what is right for you..and live that with your whole authentic heart and being for that is where freedom lies...

May your day be blessed with love and beauty...and may you be supported to walk the path that is right for you for you are supported in more ways than you could ever imagine!🤍