The Word "Stupid"

The word "stupid" is a word I remember hearing ever since I can remember. Often from my parents when I had trouble accomplishing what was expected or wanted by them even if it was something too big for me. As an adult if I couldn't seem too accomplish something well enough for an employer and I got in trouble or the people I thought were friends acted like I didn't exist or any other number of other events or experiences where I could be blamed I would ask myself if I was stupid for I had been conditioned to believe that if other people's actions or lack of actions could be blamed on me or seen as my fault it probably was just me being stupid. And I would take on others' responsibilities because I thought it meant I wasn't stupid.

Yesterday when I was out in the woods I saw trash left by thoughtless and disrespectful people. It disgusted and angered me so much that I talked out loud to the forest about the stupid people who left their trash like it was gonna kill them to put it in the trash can or take it home to at least dispose of it properly. I didn't pick some of it up at first because I was so irritated but eventually I did dig my bag out of my pack to start gathering what I saw.

This morning I woke up early and I was feeling a lot of dizziness and found myself trying to disassociate so I can go back to sleep. In the background I was aware that I felt energy around my body like I sometimes do when my Sasquatch friends are helping me heal or process something or sometimes even just comforting me and letting me know they're near.

Slowly in my disassociating brain I began to think about the word stupid out of nowhere for some reason. It felt like I was being guided to think about how it makes me feel. I realized that I probably needed some healing around this word so I asked my Sasquatch friend if he was willing to assist me. I didn't feel him like I sometimes do but I felt energy swirling around my body which made me think that he had been there already bringing up this thing that needed attention.

I began to explore how this word made me feel; the energy of it:

• depressing

• heavy

• crushing

• wilting

• harsh

• spirit-killing

• sucking out a person's life-energy

And more could probably be added. It is a word that has been part of my vocabulary my whole life and as I began processing my history with this word and the direction I am going with my life I realized that it doesn't fit in my vocabulary anymore.

Then I was reminded of how I had called people stupid for leaving their trash to go it's merry way in nature and whatever damage it might do to land and animals. I was reminded of how we are all at different stages of evolving and some of us have explored more than others and therefore gained more wisdom in this 3D dimension. I began to realize that usually when I was called stupid or something similar by my parents it was because I was so traumatized that I was not able to function as well as a mentally and emotionally healthy person would be able to. Similarly, people who leave their trash behind may be in overwhelm or stressed or just may never have considered the damage that they are doing to the land and the animals and ultimately, themselves for we are all connected.

I did end up having to release some deep pain around this word after which I eventually fell asleep again but I believe that my Sasquatch friend was helping to bring this to the surface to be dealt with so more healing could happen.

We often tend to think that we can call ourselves whatever degrading thing we want because no one else will hear it. But our thoughts are not private. I catch myself thinking thoughts I wouldn't want my coworker to pick up on and remind myself to be careful what i think because there's times he picks up on stuff or vice versa. And of course I know I can't hide anything from my Sasquatch friends because they know what's in our human hearts. So I am learning just how not private my thoughts are...

And if I am learning to love myself and to treat myself with the same love that I give to the water and the trees and the plants and the forest beings, then how does the word "stupid" fit in that kind of vocabulary? Or be used in reference to any other person or being or object? It's impossible. In every way.